Dealing with the Holiday (and Special Occasion) Bullies/Blues

My heart goes out to all my friends struggling to find gratitude today for any reason.

To those of you especially who are being bullied and rejected by your own families because you don’t participate in the traditional slaughter, remember your worldwide vegan family is standing with you in spirit. You’re not alone today or any other day.

Holidays can bring out both the best and worst in people. Make a choice to stand with love, compassion, and gratitude.

I was once bullied and embarrassed at my own surprise birthday party by my mother, grandmother, and her side of the family because I wouldn’t eat the cake or meat and cheese sandwiches made just for me even though I had been vegan for years and this was nothing new.  According to them, it was a phase.

I was chastised for not eating even a single bite of cake.  How dare I be ungrateful and insulting to my family who worked so hard to surprise me with a birthday cake and food that I was unable to eat.  I was also told I had behaved so poorly and rudely because I ate a veggie sandwich right before the surprise happened even though, as the “surprise birthday party” would suggest, I did not know this was going to happen when I ate my veggie sandwich.

This is merely one of many examples of bullying I’ve experienced for my vegan choices from family and others.  The method of using guilt and public shaming as a tool to bend me into submission and get me to comply with what they wanted me to do, of course, did not work on me.  I did not bend. I did, however, develop even more of a bitter taste in my mouth for family and food bullies and birthdays and special occasions.

This event was not significantly worse or better than any of the others, but it was the event that made me start declining family functions from then on.  It wasn’t worth the shaming and tears.  I now avoid situations like holidays that would put me in a position to be targeted by bullying.  Maybe they’ve changed.  Maybe they haven’t.  It’s just not worth the depression and anxiety for me.  What’s done is done and now we live with the consequences of our choices.

Letting go is not the same as forgiveness.  I don’t have to forgive my family.  What they did was not okay and I never have to accept it as okay, but holding on to bitterness and pain only hurts me in the long run.  What’s that saying about holding a grudge lets people live rent free inside your head?  Each day, I feel like I get closer to my happy place.  I let go of the bitterness and the pain for me.  Not for them.

2 thoughts on “Dealing with the Holiday (and Special Occasion) Bullies/Blues”

  1. I’m thrilled to hear you had a wonderful Thanksgiving! I can so relate to the bullying which is why I chose not to be around on FB during this holiday season. It pains me that family and friends continue to eat animals after I invest so much time providing them with information. One friend declared she will ALWAYS have type 2 diabetes even after I told her that a raw food diet would lead to a cure. She’d rather embrace a debilitating disease than let go of eating animals to give her health a chance.
    Anyway, only my kids and I were present at my meatless Thanksgiving. Although I did miss family fellowship, I didn’t miss the jabs about my food. I try to tell them I still cook the same…there’s just no dead animals. Geez!
    I love my vegan life…family fellowship or not. . .
    Oh well, enough about me. . . I’m glad to hear you are thriving and doing well. Are your symptoms responding to the diet?
    With wellness in mind,

    1. Thank you! We spent Thanksgiving and Friday making new happy traditions. We marathoned Western movies like Lonesome Dove and The Quick and the Dead and took a long drive through the country discovering old farms with horses, cows, and donkeys, old barns and wells, and we even found an old U.S. air force plane sitting in someone’s yard! It was so relaxing and beautiful and NO stress! 🙂

      I’m at that point where I just won’t tolerate bullying. If someone tries, I have to say, “have a nice life,” block or ignore calls, and move on. In the past, I allowed people to bully me without any consequences. Now the consequence is they do not get to have me in their life if they abuse me. Many relatives and old friends were lost when I snapped, but I stand by my no bullying policy. If they can’t behave and control their toxic business, they are counterproductive to my healing. I also opt not to be around animal eating. People choosing disease is sad and toxic for me to be around. So, nope! 🙂 Happy raw vegan kitchen creations and relaxing new traditions are wonderful changes compared to the toxic!

      The symptoms are definitely responding. The energy levels, mental clarity, and stamina are much higher and more consistent. Before going raw, I would have to nap at work every few hours to combat the regular MS symptoms. I’m still battling the gym, because as soon as I get overheated, I get dizzy and sometimes too weak to stand. I noticed last night that I’m going for longer before it hits though. Maybe because I’m staying cooler for longer with better stamina. 🙂 Raw is clearly the best I can give to my body under the circumstances.

      I’m so glad to know you’re there and doing well! I was worried when I saw you weren’t on as much. I completely understand about the holidays though. xoxoxoxo!

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